Sebb/Howto
This a guide to the being known of as Sebb and how to cope with his presence.
Contents
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Introduction
Never Lend Money To Sebb
What you have to understand with a creature like Sebb is, despite his general good character, he is what is known medically as a spendophile or in some fields of thought a cashophobe. The result of this is that when Sebb places his hands in his pockets and finds there is some money there he will attempt to rid himself of it.
Sebb spends money in the obvious manners like us all, on food, drink (and sometimes alot of drink see SebbDrunk ) travel and so on sebb also manages to spend his money by such evil as gambling (See 2.3 Subparagraph 1)
Sebb his rumoured to have spent his money on a very expensive “remote control” plane made out of polystyrene. Sebb doesn’t like to talk about it.
So, You Lent Money To Sebb
No data has yet been collected for the actual succesful return of money from Sebb.
Current trends are thus: “Sebb, can i have my money?” “I’m dying of starvation *sob*” and “Sebb, can I have my money?” “what’s your bank account details”. Unfortunatly the latter approach has been proven to not work either, and upon analysis it becomes apparant why not
Where does it all Go?
Gambling
Sebb is known to suffer from an addiction to gambling, and should be discouraged from doing so at all costs in order to slow his spiral of debt and perhaps one day repay some of his mounting debts. He will try to use the justification “I pay one pound and get a huge thrill, it’s cheap” this is of course false economy he could have bought a Arcade machine by now. So, please try to prevent him from doing this, unless of course you’ve written off the debt and wish to gain revenge for the debt (if this is the case please come to ChannelAber and we’ll give you some better suggestions).
Possessions
“Yo guys, I bought this sweet computer/stereo/drumkit, I couldn’t really afford it”. Also known to buy stuff from the CrazyCrapAisle at Lidl
= Smell In the case of ‘accidently’ getting a wiff, back away very slowly, run towards the nearest bus shelter, and allow yourself to be splashed over and over before climbing into the bus and going as far away from Sebb as possible. (Note: this only works in wet weather). As an extra point, I advise you to stay well away from Sebb’s room at all costs; unless you want to find the room covered with brown, shriveled *things* that used to be socks. Refrain from buying socks for presents, you’ll waste your money. Try an air freshener instead.
Technology
So You Lent Sebb Part Of Your Computer
In the event of lending Sebb a computer part remember you will never get it back, Be assured that if you are foolish enough to ask for something high end enough as a deposit to ensure the safe return of said equiptment. Be assured it WILL be unusable and broken (See SagaOfFerretsGraphicsCard ).
So, You Lent Sebb An Item Of Clothing
Early 2003: Lent sebb a jumper because he was cold and didnt have one. Later sebb took another one. Late 2003: It is now cold and I have no jumpers.
I lent Sebb (or rather Sebb took) one of my network cards, I never saw it again! (mock terror, shock outrage).
I lent sebb my laptop so he could do his project in year one, I got it back, but it was full of porn popups and virus ridden.