Borth
| Official languages | Borthian, Brummy, English |
| Capita | The Friendship Inn |
| Average Annual Income | 47 BoS |
| Most Renowned Citizen | Jimi Hendrix |
| Loved Leader | Commander of the Joint Millitary of Borth |
|
Area – Total |
99,999,999,999cm² |
|
Population – Total (2001) |
10 humans, 3 cats, 2 dogs, 25 creepy dolls, 10 million sheep and the Potato King |
| Currency | Busts of Stalin (BoS) |
| Time zone | Borth Central Time (BCT) |
| National anthems | “We are your Friends – Justice Vs Simian” |
| National holidays | Animalarium celebration day, Day of Borthification, Liberation from Dyfed day (TBC) |
Borth is a small coastal town in the Cardigan and Slippers county of Western Wales. It lies about being approximately 7 miles north of Aberystwyth as it is closer to being 8 miles near. Borth is devoid of a cash point, which has made it a poster child for the newly formed Anarchist Club of Mid-Wales who since the inaugural meeting in 2004 have held their bi-polar annual meeting in Borth Town Hall.
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Origin of name
The name Borth is said to have originated from a catchphrase in Celticmythology, where Anpwony Hopllins is warned of the dangers of eating too much, the glutton is offered a choice between the mythical Bread of Heaven and a Cauldron of Cawl that never runs dry. Mid chew Anpwony was asked which he would prefer by Aberzetajones (The God of Feasting) and with a full mouth he replies “Borth”. Anpwony Hopllins was said to be laid to rest in the Church that is visible from modern day Borth Railway Station’s platform.
Borth Loves You
Recently patriotic Borthians have formed the Borth Army with the motto “Borth loves you” to dissemminate the message that Borth requires its independence and should rightlfully be recognised as a separate state. Some claim that this is a socal movement and distance themselves from the Army and just refer to the “Borth loves you movement.” The movement wishes to gain independance for Borth from what they see as the oppressive Welsh Assembly. They carry out operations which mostly consist of writing “Borth Loves You” on bank notes across The United Kingdom. It appears that their center of operation is Aberystwyth a (wholly insigificant, compared to Borth) town in Mid Wales. The “Borth Army” would appear to be the military wing of this operation. The “Army” is not just a conventional army but also has a navy incorporated in it. The Navy’s flag ship “The Righteous Indignation” can often be seen moored on Borth beach.
Animalarium
Borth is home to the worlds only Animalarium. Rather than deciding to build a zoo in Borth the authorities attempted something unique, making use of the Borth’s coastal access to create a giant aquarium, for land based animals. The project took several years to reach completion but since then it has seen nearly 5 times the amount of revenue that was expected due the local’s flocking to visit its original celebration of WelshZoology. The animals survive using a special system created at the Centre for Alternative Technology in nearby Machynlleth. The technique has involved surgically attaching underwater breathing apparatus to all the inhabitants of the Animalarium, where the movement of the creatures converts the waste energy into oxygen. This allows the animals to avoid being found floating upside down on the surface of the giant Animalarium.
Claims to fame
Borth’s main claim to fame is being the inspiration for the Morrissey song ‘Everyday is like Sunday’ This song did, however, cause mass panic and hysteria in Borth itself, concerning nucleararmageddon. This led to the construction of a large number of bunkers beneath the properties of more affluent Borth citizens, culminating in the construction of a large complex beneath the Dovey Junctionrailway platform (funded, at least in part, by the Dovey Junction Residents’ Committee) which has recently been refurbished and is being run as a bar/nightclub. The most famous resident of Borth is Joe Scully from Neighbours who saw the light and made the pilgrimage from Australia to bask in Borth’s glory.
Contains BorthAnimalarium
Spar was recently burnt down here by Brummies on holiday. £500 reward for info. Sources point to Ferret
Has the best greasy spoon known to man, TheLimitCafe (Not to be confused with TheUpperLimitCafe ), excellent beans and chips after a afternoons Surfing. Also Ran by Brummies, So screw you Sausages
A few years ago the Real Ale Guide stated that the only thing good about Borth was: “…the railway station, whichcan be used to go elsewhere”