Sapphire

Sapphire is a girl and definitely not Afalpretending to be a girl. She has recently joined aber… probably cause welp told her to… saying this Afal tried to get her on. Afal was then told that he’s a freak cause most of the people on #aber were “scary” and hassling her about being a girl(well actually it was just parag0n BUT HE’S SO FAT HE COUNTS AS AT LEAST 50% OF ABER AMIRITE). This isn’t a problem anymore since a girl doing CompSci is as rare as rocking horse poo.

The Return of Sapphire was something around welp telling her to get on #aber when GrayWolf was in (because welp told him to get on). Anyway since everyone was all “OMG SHIPMAN IS ON THE INTERBUTT” Sapphire blended in unnoticed.

Thanks for the paper.. *yawn*

Facts about Sapphire

  • Thinks her mum is hot. (“really hot”)
  • She had bruises due to a lot of violent sex.
  • A lot of #aberites still have trouble thinking that she’s a girl.
  • Got scared off #aber the first time cause parag0n kept going “OMG A GURL ON THE INTERBUTT”.
  • Sapphire is prone to heckle lecturers. MarkNeal and RichardShipman both came out alive while RichardShipman nearly got a standing ovation.
  • Juggles diablo, fire staff, poi. Be afraid.
  • Is learning to juggle flower sticks and balls. (Who’s balls remains to be seen. Be even more afraid.)
  • Is referred as Gobshite by RichardShipman
  • Is going to seriously kill Afal when she sees this page. “No! im gonna kill whoever wrote it!” Sapphire
  • Her facebucket profile has more shit on it than Britney Spears’ greatest hits. “Used to! Have hardly any apps on there now, they were annoying me” Sapphire <- Lies.
  • Being in the same pub as Sapphire on the night of a CompSci social is essentially offering yourself up as a chew toy.
  • Welp said to Sapphire ‘Were you in boy scouts?’.
  • Sapphire has raped the entire house of commons. (Gordon Brown twice.)
  • Is sister to Wonderwoman
  • Is best friends with Wonderwoman and Miss Byers.
  • Is made of great vengeance and FURIOUS ANGER. 70% of the time.
  • She once argued for days on facebook that rape is a perfectly valid sexual fantasy.
  • Got a standing ovation for a ten-minute rant at Oleg in B23.
  • Confident.
  • The protector violator of Cobbler
  • Mistress of CMOT-Weasel’s balls. Apparently.
  • Broke her new phone within an hour of getting it and insisting it would be fine. (Third replacement is on it’s way.. Like this will survive any longer.)
  • Is responsible for the death/severe damage/disappearance of 15 students to date. (Including welp, CMOT-Weasel, Afal, Spaceinvader, Cobbler, LordMooCow, Balifor, Elusive_elf, Charna and TurnipLove that we know of.)
  • Makes no sense 92% of the time.
  • Can and will use UNIX commands to steal your nomz:
20:52 <sapphz> * mv ~/matchmakers ~/MA_TUMMY
  <Sapphire> i always wanted an elephant

GrayWolf at first thought welp was talking about OtherAber but as he went in most of BitterNet told him to fuck off.
Has found prefered victim in the form of CMOT-Weasel (Damage report now running to several full-length volumes to match Encyclopaedia Britannica)