Transcribed calls.. AOL users are truly a marvel.
Call Handler: My name is ****** from AOL, how can I help you today? Customer: I have had CRAP customer service.. you people really, like, annoy me, my computer has broke again (ect, ect, ad lib) Call Handler: Have you tried pressing ctrl alt del? Customer: What button is that? Call Handler: It's three keys sir. Customer: I can see any keys, just lots of buttons! Call Handler: *gritting teeth* "keys" is another term for "buttons" sir. Customer: see! thats what I means, you people talk in funny words and how can you expect normal people like me to understand? This is what I mean about customer service (rant, rave, ect) Call Handler: I totally undertsand sir (lies, all lies), now, can you see a control button? Customer: NO! Call Handler: okayyyy, the C-T-R-L button? Customer: Oh, yeah, i see's that one, I pressed it an nothin' 'appened.. Call handler: NO! don't press ANYTHING now, can you see the "alt" button? Customer: I don't 'fink' my board has one. Call Handler: look on the left hand side at the bottom.. -long pause- Customer: I can't see any button on the right. Call Handler: (speaking very slowly) ON THE LEFT... Customer: Oh, got it. Call Handler: now find the delete key. Customer: yeah, got it Call Handler: (feeling mildly relived that the customer did'nt run through the whole process again) now press them all at once. - mashing sounds - Customer: I pressed all of the buttons at once and now my computer has lots of windows all over it ... you people are absolutely CRAP! -click...whirrrrrrr........-
Call Handler: Hello, my name is **** , just calling from AOL, we have you down for a call back.." Customer: "not interested" Call Handler: "but you RANG us first......." -click...whirrrrrr........-
Call Handler: Hello, is this Mr Mike Cock.... Customer: "yes" Call Handler: (sounds of muffled laughter) "sorry sir.." (more muffled giggles) (muffled voice.."oh shit, I've lost it") -click...whirrrrr.....-
Call Handler: Hello...ect ect Customer: I've got three accounts with you and you are charging me for all of them... Call Handler: I'm afraid I can't help with this issue, you would have to speak to accounts. Customer: *audible sound of the penny failing to drop* Why not? Call Handler: *slowly* I am not in accounts Customer: But surely you people would realise that I would'nt want three accounts. Call Handler: well, you DID open three.. Customer: yeah, but I dint know what I was doin' Call Handler: You phoned THREE times to open accounts, and you did'nt undertstand? Customer: Well, no, this internets thing is all complicated for me.. Call Handler: again sir, I can give you the number for accounts, you would have to speak to them. Customer: but WHY? Call Handler: look sir, I'm not in accounts, and I can't alter your details. Customer: But WHY did you charge me for three?# Call Handler : *very slowly* You opened three, so you are paying for three. Customer: BUT WHY? Call Handler: (begininning to realise this person is on an intellectual level with a toddler) "look, you can have more than three bank account, right?" Customer: Well, yeah, but thats with money, innit? Call Handler: Look sir, again I can only pass you onto the account people, the number is 0845.. -click....whirrrrrr... Call Hander: fucking spacktard.
Call Handler: hello, my names is (gives female name, could I speak to Anne? Customer:Annes my wife. Call Handler: yesssss, is she avaliable. Customer: Annes my wife. Call handler: I gathered that sir, is she in? Customer: I recgnise your voice... Call Handler: Sir, thats not possible, I've never spoken to you before. Customer: you're no match for me. Call handler: sir? Customer: don't call me again, shes MINE you dirty bitch. click - whirrrrr.... Call Handler: WHAT THE FUCK was that about?